Your Partner Can’t Read Your Mind
Sometimes, the best way to start is with a question. “Why am I not getting what I need? Here are some possible reasons:
1. You are not giving by example. Your partner may feel that you are taking more than giving, and may be reluctant to do anything more.
2. You are not being heard. Perhaps because of a perceived lack of listening or intention on your part, your partner is tuning you out.
3. You have not asked yourself what you need. If you can’t define your needs for yourself, how can you expect someone else to be clear?
4. Perhaps you are in the process of getting what you want and are too impatient to notice.
5. You may be expressing your needs as accusations. “You never rub my back like you used to do.” is very different from: “would you please be willing to rub my back tonight? I am feeling tight.”
So what can we do better? We can be more clear, more patient, more caring, and better listeners. Sadly, we sometimes discover that we are still not getting what we want. We are then left with the simple question: Can I live without this?
Often, I find that the thing I am lamenting is not really that important to me anyway. Also, if it is important, I can often do the thing for myself and eliminate the issue altogether.
If my words about don’t resonate, don’t despair! Check out the amazing articles below.
Here is a story about a caring husband’s confusion around what his suffering wife really needed:
Related TED Talk: The Art of Manliness:
The Chopra Center: